Maintaining Your Mental Health

If you've read my story then you will know how important this chapter is. Probably THE MOST IMPORTANT CHAPTER!

 

I can't tell you exactly how to deal with your own partners behaviour during menopause because they all have different symptoms and different attitudes and behaviours. 

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But I can give you some pointers from my own experiences.

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It's an unfortunate aspect of male-female dynamics, that a woman who loses respect for their partner will also lose their feelings for them. And although we are constantly told that they like us to communicate our feelings, it may be what they want, but not really what they need. Don't blame the player here. It's the game. Evolution has made us this way. Whereas a man will accept a woman for all her flaws, regardless of her status, behaviour, financial situation, and personality. That isn't the case for women. In fact, once we have accepted somebody then we are happy to maintain the peace and are often willing to go through all kinds of hell for them. We've already decided we love them and accept them completely for who they are. Women, on the other hand, constantly reassess their partner and whether their relationship is the best thing for them. This is where a lot of men come unstuck. I genuinely thought after every relationship that I had been through (and there have been a lot due to my military work) that I understood how I had to be to keep a woman happy. I was so wrong!

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So with this in mind, we have to constantly be aware of our behaviour in general, but even more so during her menopause years. Her change in attitude and behaviour is going to have a marked effect on how you view yourself, and if you let it get to you, you are going to lose hypergamy. This will make it extremely difficult to get the relationship back on track. So you have to look after yourself for the sake of your family. If you start to crumble you will lose her respect, and you can't help her if she is having doubts about your value as a partner or leaves you. 

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So to learn how to maintain the levels of respect that we are afforded by our partner, we should look at what women find most important when it comes to attraction. Don't worry if you're lacking in some of these. Making some changes in these areas can definitely help you elevate your status in your partners eyes. This is called HYPERGAMY. And it is extremely important in a relationship. There are a lot of articles and videos online about this. that you should take a look at, but try not to get too deep into it. A basic understanding of it should be all you need. Don't go down the rabbit hole of pickup artists and psycho babble. You're not trying to get a new woman or psychologically destroy your partner. You're just trying to keep her interested in you and show your value whilst her hormones are unsettled.

 

A female always has to feel like you have higher status than her, and a higher sexual market value. It doesn't matter how much higher but the more the better. Hence why so many secretaries have had affairs with their bosses, and why its frowned down upon in modern society for a successful man to date someone a lot younger or of lower status.

 

So let's learn how to gain hypergamy and keep it.

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Confidence and Self-Assuredness

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• Belief in Yourself: Confidence is magnetic. Women are drawn to men who are comfortable in their own skin and trust their own decisions. If you act indecisive or insecure she will find this off-putting. This can be a complicated thing to deal with as she pulls away from you during this time. It's important to not let her destroy your self-worth.

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• Poise Under Pressure: The ability to stay composed during challenging situations showcases emotional strength. Another extremely difficult one. It's incredibly difficult to keep your cool when somebody is treating you badly or belittling you on a daily basis. This is where you will need to show patience and understanding, and self-control. We'll get more into this.

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Emotional Intelligence

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• Empathy and Understanding: Women value men who can listen actively, validate their feelings, and offer emotional support. Active listening really does involve listening intently to what she has to say and not just pretend to take it all in while you wait for your chance to say something. The way that women approach problems is very different to the way that men approach problems. We look for a logical solution. Women want you to empathise with them and agree that the situation is distressing. Throwing too much logic at her will distress and infuriate her. Mine kept telling me not to try to "fix things", or "analyse" her. It's a tightrope walk to be honest. I'd suggest listening hard and change the things that your are willing to, whilst maintaining your boundaries. Something that I didn't do. I often let things slide. 

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• Self-Awareness: Being in tune with your emotions and understanding how they affect others shows maturity. This ties in with demonstrating patience and not losing your cool. 

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• Communication Skills: The ability to express thoughts and emotions clearly is a cornerstone of strong relationships. Yes, by all means communicate well. But don't go too far That was another of my big mistakes. Baring my soul and showing weakness, although healthy and mature, also made her lose respect for me. This is where boundaries can come in. finding ways to voice your displeasure or sadness in a constructive and authoritative manner is an art that I myself am currently working on. Tell a mate what's going on and confide in them. Make sure it's someone who won't go running back to her with all your secrets.

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Physical Appearance and Health

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• Grooming and Hygiene: A well-maintained appearance and good personal hygiene are non-negotiable for most women. If you're letting things slide, then buck yourself up. If you smell good and look good, she is also going to be A LOT more open to touching and intimacy.

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• Fitness and Vitality: While preferences vary, physical fitness often signals health, discipline, and vitality. She may be struggling with her weight right now, but once the HRT kicks in, or you break up, I absolutely guarantee you she will suddenly be in the best physical shape of her life. Mine was after the breakup...although I know what she looks like without makeup or clothes, so it doesn't sting so much. So whilst all this is going on, find some time to look after yourself. Again, this will build attraction. BUT the biggest thing here is that physical exercise is going to boost your endorphin levels and make you feel amazing. It's not going to happen overnight, so you have to put in the work, but once you start seeing the change in your body shape, it's going to boost your confidence. Which will offset any of her behaviours that are making you feel self-conscious or insecure. If you can get to the point that other women start noticing you, then you're onto a winner as she's going to want to keep you to herself. 

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• Style: Dressing well and understanding what clothes suit you enhances your overall appeal. You have a few things to consider here. Start noticing how other men your age dress. Especially on clothing websites. Try to be dressed one level smarter than is normally required for any situation. This makes you stand out from the crowd and make your status seem higher. You could also consider peacocking (look it up) where you choose clothing that REALLY makes you stand out from the crowd and often attracts women due to your uniqueness. THE most important thing to know is that you have to wear clothes that complement you, and fit you properly. You're after sex appeal, not cool kid appeal. Accentuate your new sexier shape, or hide your unattractive bits, depending on your level of fitness. And always remember that shoes are extremely important to women. They will judge you on your shoes. Clean, polished, and in a good state of repair. Your belt should always be the same colour/material as your shoes. Brown shoes - brown belt, etc. Doesn't have to be exactly the same shade, but close to it.

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Ambition and Drive

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• Purpose in Life: Women are often attracted to men with clear goals and the determination to achieve them. This is another tough one. Whilst you're pulling all the weight in the relationship and doing all the chores that she's too tired to do, you're expected to maintain physical fitness AND have drive. Depending on your natural energy levels, just find ways to demonstrate that you have these qualities. Mention something in work that you're doing well at, or striving for. Make sure to tell her when you succeed. If you don't succeed, keep it to yourself, or just make something up and pretend you had a productive time. Better still, don't mention what you're working for and then once you've achieved it, make a big thing about striving for it, and then after a while tell her you did it.

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• Work Ethic: A strong sense of responsibility and dedication can be very appealing. Show a sense of duty. Be on time for work. Tell her about your successes in work. Tell her how hard you work. Don't tell her about your failures as much. Sell yourself! I had a new job when we met. I was starting from scratch, so would often share any mistakes I made with her. Don't do this. You need to appear to be in command in your life. If work is a struggle, confide in your workmates or a close friend. Partners are supposed to support one another, but there is a line that you need to find.

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Sense of Humor

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• Lightheartedness: A good sense of humour can create a strong emotional bond and make you more approachable. Pick your moments for this, but you can absolutely lighten the mood. Make little jokes about what's going on. But read the room first. Maybe wait a day or two after something has happened to make a joke about it. She forgot to do something? Make a joke about having to remind her to do stuff. This absolutely depends on your partners sense of humour. You know her well, so act accordingly. If you can, just find fun things to talk and laugh about. Throw a dad joke her way. Whatever it takes to get the family smiling (if possible).   

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• Wit and Playfulness: The ability to joke around and not take life too seriously is often seen as charming. You're James Bond or Arnie - she put her slippers in the fridge due to brain fog. "I like your slippers. They're really COOL". If you have kids, make them laugh, and maybe she'll join in too. Start a pillow fight or a tickling pile-on. Lighten the mood when things are feeling dark and it'll do all of you some good. Break the tension in tough situations with a laugh if you can.

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Kindness and Respect

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• Compassion: Treating people with kindness, whether they are strangers or loved ones, is universally attractive. Just be polite to the people around you. Be kind to staff in restaurants etc.

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• Respect for Boundaries: Honouring a woman's autonomy and decisions builds trust and respect. This is most definitely true when the sex dries up. Accept it and do what you have to do to get by. Showing the strength to not pester her for intimacy will demonstrate your strength. I've noticed that since all of this, when I have a date come over my place, I no longer try everything in my power to get laid. If it gets hot and heavy, I pull away and sit back for a while. This builds up the sexual tension. I often give them a deep look into their eyes, and if they ask me why I just smirk to myself and say something like "I'm enjoying checking you out". So pull back and build up the tension a few times, and watch her get drawn in like a fish to a lure. She'll be ripping your clothes off in no time if she's still got some libido. There is nothing sexier to a woman than a man in control of his sex drive and emotions.

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Stability and Reliability

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• Financial Responsibility: While not necessarily about wealth, financial stability demonstrates responsibility and foresight. I found myself with a lot more time to myself and the inevitable boredom. I also relied on retail therapy to cheer myself up, and (worst of all) would buy things for my ex and her daughter to prove my worth. Do not do this. Live within your means, and show that you are responsible with your cash. If you are struggling with anything financially, keep it to yourself if you can. And get it sorted as soon as possible, even if it means tightening your belt.

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• Dependability: Being consistent and trustworthy creates a sense of security. Be where you say you're going to be, and when you're supposed to be there. Especially if you're offering to pick the kids up from school. If you say you're going to do something, then make damn sure you can do it. Excuses will not fly if it keeps happening.

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Social Status and Leadership

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• Social Confidence: Women often appreciate men who can navigate social situations with ease. This ties into your self-worth. Do not let her bring you down if you can help it. Go out and meet friends. Be the best person you can be in front of others. If certain people think a lot of you, make sure she sees this or hears about it.

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• Leadership Skills: Whether in personal or professional settings, a natural ability to lead can be attractive. This can be demonstrated by taking charge of the household when she's struggling. Reading through this website and cherry picking solutions and plans that can show that you're the boss, and you're going to get the family through this. Easier said than done I know. But I've given you a ton of information to help. Show off your newly found knowledge and demonstrate that you are going to help the family get through this. But don't ever let your boundaries slide.

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THE most important thing you need to know about Leadership is that you should always lead by example. If you are instructing others on how things should be, you have to stick to your own standards. You cannot break the rules and then tell others off for the same things. You must always be seen practising what you preach!

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Passion and Enthusiasm

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• Passion for Life: Whether it’s about work, hobbies, or relationships, enthusiasm shows zest for life. Women love it when you have an interesting hobby or passion. They will often join in out of their love for a man they look up to. Now is the time to really jump into one. When you're feeling confused, lonely, angry, or sad? Find a spot to sit and do it. If you don't have a hobby then find one. All of this can tie in with what we've already gone through. Exercise to look and feel better. Mental hobbies that can sharpen your mind. Escapism that can allow you to forget your problems. Doing chores you find cathartic so you can muse over everything without vocalising it, AND show that you are actively listening and watching over her. And most importantly if you can get everybody involved in it, you're onto a winner. I bought a lot of board games and the Lego really helped me deal with the aftermath of our breakup. I play guitar, so sometimes I would get it out to remind her of my talent. There was a study that showed men are considered more attractive when pictured holding a musical instrument.

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• Romantic Effort: Thoughtful gestures and showing appreciation for your partner foster emotional connection. Remember the active listening you are now doing? Well now you know all the little things you can do to help the woman you love out. And they'll be appreciated just as much as flowers or chocolates...which should also be conjured up occasionally to show your love and appreciation. There shouldn't be a reason for you doing this, such as Valentines Day or a special occasion. When she asks why , say just because I love you and want to make you feel special. Don't overdo it if she's lost feelings for you. I drove my ex back from a dismal day once when she was at her lowest. She fell asleep in the car, and I said "you still look beautiful when you're sleeping". A clever line really now I think about it. It could be perceived that she isn't as beautiful any more except when she's sleeping. It could also mean that I just think she's beautiful regardless of her current mental and physical state. It was meant sweetly but on a psychological level it had an impact. She smiled to herself and after that she was nicer to me. We got back together a couple of weeks later. Look up "negs" and thank me later. But be very careful with your wording. You're not trying to make her feel bad about herself. You're just reminding her that you're not putting her on a pedestal above yourself.

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Independence

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• Self-Sufficiency: Women value men who can take care of themselves and don’t rely on others for validation or support. When she makes you feel useless or unattractive, don't ask her if she still loves you. Don't rely on her for things that you normally would. Don't let her mother you. Stand strong and work it out. I made these mistakes and I'm back on Tinder...although it is a lot of fun!

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• Healthy Boundaries: Maintaining your own identity and interests within a relationship demonstrates strength. This is a huge one!! You should be constantly communicating your boundaries. You have to tell her what is acceptable behaviour and what is unacceptable. This must be done in a controlled and unemotional manner. If she's shouting at you or making you feel shitty, just say I'm going to leave you for a bit but I'll be back when I'm ready. If she begs you not to, stand firm. Your autonomy matters too!

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Authenticity

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• Being Genuine: Pretending to be someone you’re not is rarely attractive. Authenticity creates a deeper, more meaningful connection. Be yourself, but always work to better yourself and understand what it is that makes you attractive to your partner. Don't let your standards or morals slip for her. This is a major turn off. Stick to your guns. Obviously you sometimes have to compromise over stuff. But your main values should never be compromised for anybody.

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• Integrity: Living by your values and being honest are traits that inspire respect and admiration. This goes without saying. Don't go back on your decisions, show that you are strong, show that a boundary has been crossed, and show that you are in control of your emotions enough to handle the stress proactively rather than getting sucked into an argument. See how all this stuff ties in together? My ex was giving me shit once, and I said I was off home. She apologised and calmed down instantly. This may be enough for you to sit your ass back down and carry on with your evening. Personally, I feel like I should have gone anyway, to demonstrate that I could make myself scarce and that she wasn't irreplaceable. Scarcity is value. Remember when it was nearly impossible to get a Playstation 5? I paid double on Ebay. This i s market value! Uphold your market value at all costs! I should have let her wonder what I was thinking, and what I was doing. Similarly when I told her I was on Tinder after she dumped me. I shouldn't have let her know that I wasn't meeting or talking to anybody. Never give away your secrets that you do to maintain your manliness in her eyes. I bet if you could see how many men said they thought their partner was different from the rest, then most of the male population will have said it at some time. By all means confide in your partner, but never do it to the detriment of your standing in her mind.

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ONCE YOU HAVE WALKED AWAY FOR A BIT THEN YOU CAN COME BACK WHEN THINGS HAVE CALMED DOWN AND HAVE A CALM DISCUSSION ABOUT WHAT YOUR BOUNDARIES ARE AND ASSESS WHETHER OR NOT THEY BEING BROKEN. REASSESSING YOUR BOUNDARIES CONSTANTLY IS A TRONG AND MATURE THING TO DO. IT SHOWS STRENGTH.

 

TRUST ME - SHE HAS BEING DOING THIS THROUGH YOUR ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP SO START PLAYING HER AT HER OWN GAME. DON'T BE SCARED TO TELL HER WHEN YOU FEEL THAT BEHAVIOUR ISN'T ACCEPTABLE AND TELL HER THAT YOU WON'T PUT UP WITH IT.

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MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS THAT YOU ARE NOT SCARED TO WALK AWAY IF YOU NEED TO. THIS ISN'T CRUEL. YOU ARE LOOKING OUT FOR YOUR OWN WELL-BEING AND DEMONSTRATING ALL OF THE ATTRACTIVE ATTRIBUTES I'VE LISTED. BUT ALWAYS DO IT CALMLY AND NEVER GET DRAGGED INTO AN ARGUMENT. YOUR FINAL SAY IS YOUR FINAL SAY AND IF SHE CAN'T ACCEPT THAT THEN MOVE ON.

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​What does all this have to do with your mental health?

 

Simple.

 

This is how you maintain your standing in the home. This is how you keep your self-respect. When she is looking up to you most of the time, it's going to be a lot easier to handle the moments when she isn't.

 

When you're working on yourself then you're building up your self-confidence and improving your self-esteem. This is how you keep your own mental health at a good level!!

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My last relationship took everything I had to maintain. All of my self-belief. All of my self-worth. All of my time and energy. And I was left with nothing at the end of it.

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This section should help you avoid making those same mistakes. Stand strong and demonstrate your value at all times. Don't show weakness no matter how much you want to. Don't show any insecurity. You're the boss. You lead (gently but firmly), she follows. This isn't sexism. It's science. It's what makes men attractive to women. TRUST ME ON THIS!

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